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botany of the isolated

by adri

/
1.
dawn 02:00
whats all this i'm pondering if i feel the sunshine's warmth but still feel cold as i emerge staring at the dawn even in the darkest hours i will simply watch and wait for the world to show its horns what's all this i'm wondering if i feel the sunshine's grasp to push me to live life but i won't answer its asks cause even in the darkest hours i will simply watch and wait for the world to be reborn what's all this im planning if i have no way to tell if the time i make will be enough to help my memory quell even in the brightest hours i will become the world i sought to destroy
2.
alacrity 02:51
sitting in the hall just waiting, waiting for my mood to fall it's pending, inevitable the sounds and the pictures are overwhelming, so the wind washes over me, drenching me in cold curled up in a ball on the other side of town waiting for all of the lights to calm down the sounds and the pictures are overwhelming, so the river washes over me, drenching me in cold waiting til it blows over still waiting til it blows over still i can't let me breathe in my honesty, i hope for more to find in my day to day, i hope to be more kind but i can't help myself but snapping once in a while i don't feel like myself today
3.
greenhouse 02:30
"as if the work you put in won't make sense to you, make sense to you as if the time you took to be yourself don't make sense to you does it make sense to you" this body doesn't feel these emotions are harder than steel the cracks are beginning to form and i fear that they won't heal is this real or is this just a part of a plan a part in my hand as if the palm of my hand lays to rest on the side of my chest "as if the work you put in won't make sense to you, make sense to you as if the time you took to be yourself don't make sense to you does it make sense to you" i am me but not today i am me can i contain all the sorrow that will break all the breakdowns that now quake "definitely a man, yes i am cut my hair short, don't shave yet what's it like, to feel this way? just how hard does this get?" i'm not me no not today oh not ever whats the shame in the living that i've had the living that i'll have "as if the work you put in won't make sense to you, make sense to you as if the time you took to be yourself don't make sense to you does it make sense to you" "as if the woman you want to be, makes sense to you makes sense to you as if the time you took to realize, that all this is true you're so beautiful"
4.
tailchasing 02:39
wake up eat right then leave just waiting for something to change like i've heard many times before "you are what you think" is that so? well i find myself, wallowing waiting for something to change drawing lines in the sand with circles i tend to walk fall over sleepy and watch all the time moving slowly, hoping, waiting in circles i tend to walk its deeper feeling the circles i tend to walk it's deeper, falling in circles i tend to walk same clothes, same sounds, same light i feel like i'm losing my mind stop saying the all same things all the time; why are you still here it's a mirror, weeping waiting for something to change it's a mirror, talking waiting for something to change
5.
solipsis 01:23
and maybe i'm just chasing the person i used to be through solace i find purpose in what i used to find bleak oh, the honesty of living alone will never cause the window to close it's only a step of the mile that we will soon walk
6.
pine 02:31
i have a habit of writing about someone else when i'm writing about myself and i try to find peace in the words that i scramble to find but they're mine cause maybe i don't need to write now why do i force myself to be cause maybe i don't need to fight now i can just sit there and breathe where do the words come from i can't help myself just write them down without any reflection i know nothing here that i'm saying makes sense i don't need to write now (i don't need to, right now) why do i force myself to be cause baby i don't need to fight now (right now) i can just sit there and breathe (won't you, please?)
7.
haven 02:39
what's all this i'm good for if i sit here all alone when many of my friends stand by wishing i'd be home what will i do when i am gone forevermore then they will shed their tears and i will feel strong i will finally feel strong i don't know where i belong but why do i break myself like this, even in writing i still don't make sense, i still think i owe myself something else, something more i will find where i belong maybe i'm here all along

about

as i grow older, i realize it's okay to feel
it is no one's fault, nor does it need to be faulted

credits

released May 30, 2022

thanks to:
phritz for string recordings used throughout the album
twitter.com/phritzmusic
nes for creating & curating the album art
twitter.com/nesulosity
squid ward, FORM, ben, & alice for
being there when i needed it most

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